The Yang of Leadership in Action
literally, "the masculine principle"
10. Conflict Resolution
合 氣 道
literally, "the way of harmony,"
combining ai ("harmony" or "love") with ki ("spirit") and do ("the way"):
resolving conflict without harming the opponent,
transforming opposing energies into new patterns of harmony.
Those who responsibly meet
Can truly lead the world.
The Tao Te Ching teaches that
Harsh words and weapons
Bring violence and pain.
The wise leader chooses combat
Only as a last resort.
For in combat even victory
Is no cause for joy.
To gloat in victory
Means delight in destroying others.
In destroying others,
We destroy ourselves.
The Tao reminds us that
we are all part of something larger than ouselves,
that everything and everyone is intrinsically related.
Working with the natural patterns,
the Tao leader upholds a new way of resolving conflict,
affirming a spirit of partnership
and building a foundation of greater understanding.
The Tao tells us to transcend dualism, to
Stop arguing and end your worries.
What difference is there
Between agreement and disagreement?
Between correct and incorrect?
Accepting another's opinion
Obscures the dawn
Of your own awakening.
The wisdom of Tao reminds us that
all creation is comprised of complementary opposites: yin and yang.
The Tao tells us that using force never really sloves problems;
it only temporarily defeats the opposition:
Meeting conflict with force
But never the conflict.
Blame and attack,
Rage and resentment
Of violence and pain.
The wise leader
Seeks real solutions,
With the wisdom of Tao.
The Tao gives us a vision that transcends dualism.
We learn that
The Tao leader
Looks beyond friend and foe,
Profit and loss,
Fame and disgrace
And therefore prevails.
Tao leaders keep two important principles of Tao in mind:
oneness and dynamic growth.
Building partnership, concentrating on shared concerns,
Tao leaders emphasize common ground as a foundaiton for conflict resolution.
Realizing that life evolves in dynamic cycles,
they approach a conflict as an opportunity to learn and grow,
a strengthen a relationship,
and to develop greater understanding.
Knowledge Is Power:
Overcoming Fight or Flight
Knowledge of our body's stress response and some key conflict-resolution skills
can make a major differnece in our lives.
Lead with the Tao
And negativity has no power.
The energy is not repressed
So that it does no harm.
"You need to be centered within yourself to respond appropriately."
The greater our self-esteem, the more centered we feel.
the more we practice centering, the stronger our sense of self.
the Tao leader honors all energies
So no harm is done
And essential character is affirmed.
One Man's Path to Conflict Resolution
"The Tao leader honors all energies"
and responds to them wisely.
To move forward,
we must involve both groups in a dynamic partnership.
Seeking the one: Redefining Conflict
The Tao Te Ching tells us:
When the parts are separated,
There can be no harmony.
Do not think yourself precious jade,
But wind chimes made of stone.
Looking at the Relationship,
Not just the conflict
We need to open up our perspective,
to see the current conflict
as our one part of a much larger relationship.
From Power Over to "Power-With"
The Tao tells us:
An open mind brings compassion.
Compassion builds power.
Such power is natural
And nature is one with Tao.
Becoming Conflict Partners: The Process
The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution,
combines the yin of patience and receptivity with the yang of positive action.
The principles are...
Developing a Partnership Atmosphere
The Importance of Timing
Choosing the Right Place
Identifying Shared Needs,
The Tao Te Ching tells us:
Those who know the needs of the people
Are fit to govern them.
Those who responsible meet
Can truly lead the world.
Personal Needs: Developing Positive Self-power
Separate your preferences from your needs.
Know when you can bend and when you need to stand your ground
or risk losing your self-respect.
Your Partner's Needs
You don't need to agree with your partner.
Just open your heart and listen.
Solutions will come later.
the greatest gift we can give another person
is our understanding.
Identifying the Relationship Needs
Nothing in the universe exists alone;
everything is connected.
Busy people need to make sure that
their decisions are made by deliberaton, not by default.
Our needs are too important to leave to chance.
Identifying Shared Needs
Recognizing their shared needs,
the people began to see each other differently.
Finding Stepping Stones
There are no instant solutions:
A journey of a thousand miles
Begins with a single step.
A process of Discovery
If your plan is inflexible,
It cannot succeed.
Unable to bend,
The tree will break.
Hardness and stiffiness
Lead to destruction.
Flow with the process
And live to prevail.
Openness to process is key.
Flowing with the Process:
Leaders and Conflict Resolution
As the Tao reminds us,
we can build greater harmony around us by seeking greater harmony within us,
by overcoming our anxiety, defensiveness, and hostility in the face of conflict.
Coupling the yin attributes of patience, prcess, and empathy
with the yang attributes of courage and positive action,
the Tao leader reconciles opposites within himself of herself
to develop the positive power of Tao.
We learn to
Know the sunlight
While confronting the shadows,
Becoming a leader to all.
As a Tao leader,
You move with infinite power,
Ever drawing upon the source.
As Tao leaders,
we resolve conflict in a spirit of partnership,
working with essential energies to create new patterns of harmony
for ourselves and our world.
Dreher, Diane. The Tao of Personal Leadership. Harper Collins Publishers. New York. 1997.